Must-Know Dating Safety Tips For Women Over 40

Dating Scene

As a mature woman, getting back into the dating scene can be a real struggle. It’s a toss between wanting to get back in but doing it safely. We asked a panel of experts what they thought, we got great tips from real women, psychologists, relationship experts, dating experts, and criminal justice experts.

I Asked the Expert Panel:

  • What tips to they have to getting back into the dating game
  • Do they have any personal experiences to pass on

The answers we posted for you below are amazing, here’s their advice:

#1 – Tips For Dating Over 40

A great danger for women over age 40 is to rush into a marriage because of the inner personal and external social pressure to get married and have children. However, I think it is important for anyone dating for marriage to be smart and take all the time she needs, despite the pressure, to make a wise decision about her potential mate. A good marriage is, probably for most people, better than being single, but it is far better to be single than to marry the wrong person. It is also important to discover who you are, in the process of searching for your soul mate, because you won't be ready to identify or meet that right person if you don't know what you want from life and what qualities you want in your soul mate. Regardless of your age, don't settle for second best; instead settle for only the love of your life.

From Dr. Tobey Leung – Life Strategies Training –

 #2 –Love Yourself, Love Yourself, Then Love Yourself Some More

Do the necessary work on yourself before entering into the dating world by jumping into the lake of self-love and self-discovery. Embrace those things you love about you, change those things you don’t, and carefully determine what you need, don’t want, must have, and absolutely will not tolerate in a relationship. In the end – you will emerge from the lake with a deep love and clear understanding of self.
Self-love is a woman’s coat of armor in the dating world. When you love yourself, you will protect yourself. You will make better choices in men and take it upon yourself to learn how to date smart and protect your heart!

Ms. Edna, Personal Trainer to Women Seeking Love:

#3 – Dating Safety Over 40

I am a real woman.  I enjoy dating and these tips have helped me.  These are tips Ive given to my girlfriends : 

  • The in thing for the under 25 is having sex with a cougar- anyone they think is over 35.
  • If they can only meet on weekdays or only for an hour on the weekend- they are probably married
  • FWB-is just that.  Unless you have had the talk- dont assume you are both dating exclusively. 
  • Keep your profile picture updated. If its more than 5 years old- please get new photos- especially after 35.
  • Always meet in a public place for your first 3 dates- remember  online profiles may not be accurate.
  • Always let someone know where you will be and have them call you to check in
  • Trust your instincts. 

Zele ZOrganize – Organizing Services for Homes and home-offices

#4 – Date Like It’s An Interview

Know the things that matter to you in a partner before you start dating, then ask inquiring questions to find your answers. Ask yourself if you like how this person is walking through life. Don't be so concerned about whether or not they like you, that will become evident soon enough. If they are not pleasing to you, move on. Don't partner with someone's potential.

Extend your inquiries over several dates, in a variety of settings. Go as slowly as you must in order to gather the information you need. Time is your best friend. Don't rush, red flags are hard to see when you're speeding. Go slow, be picky, and ask a million questions.

Elsbeth Elsbeth Martindale, Psy.D. –

#5 – Check Him Out First

Do a background check! Without leaving your home, or paying an online service, you can find out their financial history (ever been bankrupt?), criminal history (especially if they're a sex offender), and things like whether they own their own home or how many times they've been divorced.

Over 40, we have too much at stake to leave financial and criminal details to chance. Our children and our assets may be at risk. If you find something questionable in your search and want the dirty details, just go to the courthouse and look it up. Public records are a wonderful thing!

Kim Halsey, MA, SPHR – Addiction Recovery Consultant –

 #6 – Create A Buddy System

I coach single women and advise them to create a buddy system while dating. Make sure you tell a friend the name of your date, where you're planning on meeting, and check in with them in between ordering your food or beverage with a phone call or a text with a date update to let them know you are safe. If for any reason you feel uncomfortable, trust your intuition and leave.
Better safe, than sorry!

Julie Spira,- Bestselling Author and founder of at


Dating SceneWhat's your favorite tip for dating over 40? Join the discussion at my discreet community – Women's Health and Beauty Answers – to see what real women are saying, and to share your secrets!

#7 – Safety Tips – Check Out Your Date Online

When you talk, ask a few things in a subtle way like where they went to college, where they grew up and information about their family. Be careful not to sound like a cop- but do ask good background questions!

Check out to see if they have a Facebook and LinkedIn page, which can also help out to find if you know people in common.

Do check someone out by using Google, also try using Yahoo and Bing as sometimes things don’t always hit on one site. Keep in mind you’ll need the other information from #2 to make sure you are finding information about the RIGHT person as many people can have the same name.

Stefanie Safran:

#8 – Know Your Boundaries

Are you willing to kiss, make-out, or have sex on a first date? Can you turn down those invitations without turning off the relationship? When will you be comfortable meeting a date at your home? How will you know your date is worth moving ahead with a second date?

Everyone has different rules about these topics and differing boundaries within their comfort zone. Before you can discuss such delicate topics with a partner, you need to contemplate all of these and other related issues yourself. Decide what your boundaries are before you start the dating process in order to save yourself much confusion as you proceed. Then, you can sincerely explain your own rules and values with someone new, and you won't have to apologize for yourself or stumble for the right words.

Sincere partners will respect you for sharing your boundaries and values early in the relationship. If there's little compatibility between you on key issues from the start, you will both be happier to just move on to find a better 'fit.'

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT – Speaking, Training, Executive Coaching –

#9 – Trust Yourself

One of the advantages of age is that you have a certain amount of life experience and have accumulated life lessons from these experiences. You've learned about people and how they operate, and it's reasonable to have a certain understanding and a set of expectations based on what you've gone through in the past. This includes all your experiences with relationships, whether from one long-term relationship or a number of shorter ones. You can trust that you've accumulated some knowledge and wisdom over the years.

In order to be safe while dating in your 40's, you'll need to pay attention to any and all signs and signals that something might not be OK. Because of your wealth of experience in dealing with people, you have a good idea of what types of behavior are suspicious and might indicate a person with a bad character or someone who isn't on the same page about relationships as you are. Listen to the little voice of wisdom within you. It's been growing and developing inside you all these years, and if you pay attention to it and trust that it's right (which it always is), you'll do just fine.

Marcia Sirota MD –

#10 – “Listen, Listen, Listen"

First, listen to yourself and your own self talk to be sure you're personally coming from a place of strength and clarity about what you want.
Second listen to what a potential mate is telling you, whether it's in his profile, on the phone or in person. Stepping back in the dating arena can be daunting, and often that discomfort can cause you to focus more on selling yourself than determining if the guy across the table is even worth it.

Third, listen to your body by paying attention to even the subtlest of reactions when interacting with a date whether by phone or in person. Something as simple as a twitch in your brow, a pause in your thoughts or a half blink of an eye typically means that something he said either didn't add up, or may be in conflict with you. At the very least it's like a warning light to get more information —don't dismiss the signal. Last, love you first by reviewing what you want most in the "relationship experience" and committing to be single over less than your best with a mate.

Charly Emery – Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass—Use Those Mr. Wrongs to Lead You Straight to Mr. Right –

#11 – If You Date, Investigate!

There are a lot of impostors out there and they always break hearts. Romance, built on lies, is never a good foundation for a long-term commitment. Most impostors claim to have a higher level of education, better job histories, and greater assets than in reality. Although it's not romantic, it makes good sense to verify he is who he claims to be.

Start by Googling him, but don't stop there. Check his social networking profiles. Does he have friends from the college he claims to have attended? Work associates from the company he claims to work for? Dig into the online archives for the newspaper in the towns he's lived in and run his name through. You might be surprised what turns up. If you have any doubts, and are seriously considering a commitment, don't be afraid to hire a private investigator. You could save yourself financially and emotionally.

Darlene E. Adams – Co-author of Romantic Deception: The Six Signs He's Lying_Owner,


Dating SceneWhat's your favorite tip for dating over 40? Join the discussion at my discreet community – Women's Health and Beauty Answers – to see what real women are saying, and to share your secrets!

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