When Should Widow Dating Begin?
When should widow dating begin is a question often asked. Transitions in life often leave us with labels which usually include definitions and constraints not of our own making. Daughters are expected to be polite, mothers are thought to be selfless, wives are often revered and widows are thought to be lonely and sad. When someone becomes a widow, no measure of time or forewarning can prepare them or make this transition easy.
It is always felt as a shock and will always bring about immediate sadness and often despair, however, life marches on even when we try our hardest to stop it. So when the sadness has faded and the despair is gone, and it is time to move on, when should widow dating begin?
Well of course! A label just defines the status of a part of our lives; it doesn’t have to actually define our life. If you are at that stage, but don’t know if it’s ok to let yourself look for love, let’s evaluate whether your mental state has caught up with your emotional stage and if?it’s a good time for you to start dating again. Widow support groups are often helpful and provide much needed intervention on the subject of widow dating.
Are you ready? This is a very personal question that only you can answer. Can you see yourself sitting through a dinner or a movie and honestly trying to get to know another human being? Will you be interested in what they have to say? Honestly engaged in the process of getting to know someone new? If the answer is yes, you may be ready.
Can you handle the uncertainty? With age comes wisdom, wisdom that aids us with our children, our friendships and our established significant others. However, one thing that never changes is the inherent uncertainty that comes with a potential love match. Whether you are 18 or 80, you are always at risk that you may fall for someone who doesn’t return your favor or vice versa. If you are not prepared to be uncontrollably smitten and potentially heartbroken, it may not be the right time to start dating. Again, joining local widow support groups provide others experiences to fall back on.
Do you feel good about yourself and your life? Most times when we lose a loved one, we wallow. We no longer have that other half reminding us daily how great we are, so we allow all of our old insecurities back in to our everyday lives. We forget that the most important thing we can do is learn to love ourselves. Sometimes, we even use this as a defense mechanism to keep us from being intimate with someone new. So don’t even try dating again until you truly feel good about who you are and what your life entails.
Are you really done grieving? Most well wishers will try and goad you into getting back out there and meeting new people as a cure to your grief. Don’t fall for this ploy, it won’t work. Grief is a very odd emotion and the stages or time it takes for each individual is very different. It is one of the most frustrating of emotions and has been researched, studied and analyzed more than all our other emotions, except possibly that of love.
Deciding when or if you are ready to embrace the opposite gender and search for companionship is a very personal and complicated issue. Many people will try and push you in that direction, with the best of intentions, thinking that it will help if you dive head first back into the dating pool. Remember, the reason the term widow is synonymous with grief and sadness is it begins with a plethora of these emotions. Trying to reach out and establish close relationships with the opposite sex too soon may only add to these emotions, if your head is not “in the game” so to speak, make sure to take your time and dive in when you are truly ready. The resulting positive experience will be worth the wait. Be sure and seek our widow support groups to share experiences and insight.
The time for widow dating will come, be sensitive to the cues listed above.