When He Wants a Divorce But You Don’t
What to do when he wants a divorce and you don’t!
In my new divorce parenting guide, “Parenting Through Divorce: Helping Your Children Thrive During and After the Split”, I write that it takes “two to make it and one to break it” when it comes to divorce. The majority of divorces are filed “unilaterally,” meaning that one person wants it while the other partner struggles to accept the demise of the marriage.
Rather than being reactive or angry at the decision, the quicker a woman can accept that the decision may be out of her control any longer, the faster she can focus on her own life, the future, and what’s important to her. Many women have learned a lot from the marital stress and go on to choose their next partner more wisely. Yet others focus on themselves, their health, and the children’s well-being, which they have often neglected during the emotionally draining end of the marital relationship.
— Dr. Lisa Rene Reynolds, http://www.drlisarenereynolds.
Communicate and Cope
The first thing one must do is understand why he wants the divorce by openly communicating with each other. If you don’t want a divorce but he does, you should be asking questions to figure out why your hopes are different from his. Discuss the issue – don’t accuse, don’t insult, and don’t add opinions as to why either of you feels the way you do – and get an idea about why he feels as he does.
The second thing to do is to cope with the pain. It is a painful thing that must be addressed. The hard part is that he is further along in coping with the end than you, which we know because he wants a divorce and you do not. To effectively move forward with your life – whether you reconcile or ultimately separate – you and he must be at the same level of coping. Avoid numbing yourself and even use a mental health professional to help you through the process and set you up for your future.
Coping and communication will put you ahead. Not only could it be your last chance to save your marriage, it will allow you the opportunity to come out better if a divorce occurs. There are no winners in a divorce and the less each of you cope and communicate, the bigger the loss.
In summary, communicate, cope and get help where needed.
— Jerry Childs, Attorney, Law Offices of Jeffrey D. Bohn, http://www.jdbohnlaw.com
A big thanks to these divorce experts for the tips they’ve shared for dealing with a situation where he wants a divorce, but you don’t!
If you’re considering or proceeding through a divorce, information is key. Please take some time to educate yourself using the free information here at AlwaysNewYou.com:
- The Divorce and Remarriage Section: Great advice to guide you through your divorce, recovery and on to your next relationship (IF you want one!).
- Jeanie Rule’s Divorce Advice for Moms: Our resident expert, Jeanie Rule, helps moms make great decisions about handling their divorce and raising wonderful children.