Tips for Recovering From A Divorce
Divorce is a painful process. It is often difficult to cope with the feelings of rejection and loss that accompany a divorce. Most often, a recovery process is in order. How do we share the news with our families? How do we prepare for the future? Professional divorce and parenting coach, Rosalind Sedacca, shares a few helpful tips with us.
5 Don’ts When Telling Kids About Divorce!
Preparing to break the divorce news to your kids? Wondering how to broach the subject and how much to share? How your children will react and how to handle their questions?
You’re not alone. Talking about divorce to your children is tough. You don’t want to make errors you will regret. There are many common mistakes parents make at this time. Here are five of the most important you should avoid:
1. Blaming or speaking disrespectfully about your children’s other parent. It creates pain, guilt and confusion for your kids. They wonder, “If there’s something wrong with Dad/Mom, there must be something wrong with me for loving them.” This can damage your parental relationship.
2. Pressuring children to make choices. Most kids feel torn when asked to choose between their parents. Don’t put them in that position.
3. Assuming your children understand they are not to blame. Children are innocent victims of divorce. Remind them frequently that they are not at fault – even, and especially, if you are fighting with their other parent about them.
4. Confiding adult information to your children. Parents do this to bond with or try to win the kids over. It creates a burden that children can’t handle and they’ll resent you for it. Talk to adults about adult issues.
5. Fighting in front of the children – ever! Remember you will still be their parents following the divorce. The more you can create a parenting alliance, the happier and more stable your children will be.
Whatever you do, prepare yourself in advance and try to approach the children together. Be aware of the impact of your words on their innocent psyches. Think before you speak, listen to your children’s responses, and be there to help them face the changes ahead with security, compassion and love.
Be Committed to Releasing the Past
Here is a key suggestion to guide you in boosting your self-esteem when coping with divorce and its aftermath.
If you stay stuck in reliving and clinging to what no longer is your reality, you will not open the door to the next chapter in your life. There will be better, brighter days ahead – if you allow that awareness into your experience. Make space in your life for new friends, relationships, career options and fulfilling activities. Look for and expect new opportunities in new places. See the future as a positive beginning for you and your children. You’ll be pleasantly surprised about what you can create when you anticipate good things ahead.
About the Author: Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! For her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right!, her blog, valuable resources on child-centered divorce or to subscribe to her free ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.