Remarriage Tips You Need To Know
Remarriage issues are a very tricky concept. When we embark on our shiny new future we don’t want to even think that it might not last. We don’t want to talk about the reasons for divorce or that relationships can be abusive or unhealthy. When it’s all said and done and we find ourselves alone again, the last thing we want to do is do it all over again the same way for fear of a repeat performance, so we downplay it and become pragmatic.
We don’t spend a lot of time on the how’s and why’s of remarriage, we just assume that the second time around will be better. However, in today’s society remarriage issues are a very real and vibrant part of our culture and should be recognized as such.
Leave your baggage behind!
Whether you classify your previous marriage as an abusive relationship, a controlling relationship or an unhealthy relationship, ultimately it has to be a dead relationship before you should consider embarking on a new life. As we get older, it gets harder to let things go, we revel in our mistakes, we over diagnose our problems and we indulge our inner psychologist. If you are lucky enough to find love a second time around, the best wedding present you can possibly give yourself it the gift of amnesia. Resist the urge "to learn from your mistakes" and dive in with your whole heart ready to make them all over again.
Involve the whole family
As parents, we try very hard to separate the role of mother and wife or father and husband. In some ways they are so different that they should never co-habitat in the same universe. Unfortunately when one marriage ends and children are involved, a new one cannot begin and truly thrive if you don’t find a way to reconcile those two roles. As uncomfortable as it may be, you need to learn to trust your children and to treat them as the old souls they’ve inevitably become. Share with them who you are and why you want to embark on this new life journey. Allow them to be involved and give them the front row seat they deserve; allow them to embark on this adventure with you, not as just a passenger along for the ride.
Focus on the future
There are many reasons for divorce, many mistakes you do not want to repeat, however, remarriage etiquette calls for you to focus on the future and forget about the past. Your ex and your current spouse will inevitably resemble one another at least once or twice in your lifetime together, we all have a shared trait or two, don’t read too much into it. Laugh off those unpleasant memories of your past and remind yourself that life is not a predetermined event, but an adventure. That your future is not written in stone and you should avoid the urge to over analyze your mistakes from the past. Work to find that right balance that allows you to learn from the mistakes of your past and enjoy the unknown of your future with you new partner.
One of the biggest days in a girl’s life is her wedding day, if fact we have an entire industry devoted to it! Couples and their family members spend obscene amounts of money on weddings, because, "you only do it once," but really how many people can actually say that when it’s all said and done. Of all the statistics kept on marriage and remarriage, one that is curiously absent is the percentage of people who are directly linked to someone who has walked down the aisle again. If we think about, most of us know at least one person, friend, relative, even spouse who is remarried. Yet how much information is really out there for people affected my remarriage? The do’s and don’ts of remarriage etiquette are sparse at best.
Some of us are affected more than others. Who knows you might know someone who is not only a second wife herself, but also the daughter, sister and/or daughter in-law of a second wife! The odds are slim, but it does happen and in this rarity of situations is born a wisdom that should be shared with the remarriage novice.