Coping With Divorce
When your husband wants to end your marriage, the best advice you can follow is to protect yourself. A husband who wants a divorce is typically thinking of himself and not you. It is your job to educate yourself about the divorce process in three key areas: legal, financial and emotional.
The legal piece in the divorce puzzle offers more options than hiring an attorney and heading to court. Mediation and arbitration are also viable ways to resolve a divorce and are typically less expensive, less time-consuming and less emotionally stressful than litigation. Research these dispute resolution alternatives and decide which option is the best fit for your particular situation.
On the financial front, a good first step is to compile a detailed budget of your current expenses as well as a detailed budget outlining projected expenses after the divorce. In order to get what you want and what you need in your divorce settlement, it is imperative that you know what your living expenses are now and what they will be in the future.
Managing your emotions can be the hardest part of divorce. Seek out help from an experienced therapist and focus on being proactive instead of reactive during this difficult time in your life. Surround yourself with competent professionals wherever you need assistance, but remember to be your own best friend and protect your interests. Your future can depend on it.
— JoAnne Donner, President, Mediator/Arbitrator/Mediation Coach, Mediation Services of Georgia, Inc., http://www.
Keys to Surviving Divorce
Here are some key factors to successfully navigating a divorce and coming out whole:
1. Stay away from the “blame game”. It’s too easy to blame your ex for marital problems and failures. Remember, there are things for you to learn about yourself that will serve you as you move forward with your life and relationships. Take the time to look in the mirror.
2. Send your ex off with “good wishes”. Forgive and let go. Unending and persistent anger and bitterness will not serve you well at the end of the time. Take the time to feel anger, hurt, sadness, and loss, but make sure you don’t live there forever.
3. If you’re working, keep working. If you’re not, find a job or volunteer position. Make sure you have a reason to get up and make a contribution to the world.
4. Don’t believe anyone who says that a woman is no longer desirable after 40+. It simply isn’t true. In fact, you chances of finding a man who appreciates intimacy and is ready to have a meaningful relationship goes up after 50. Women in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s are so much better than their counterparts. Good men understand this and there are plenty of them out there. Your best relationship is waiting for you!
5. Create new goals and go after them! A new life is waiting for you. Take advantage of this opportunity to engage in new and exciting ways.
There’s a healthy balance while going through a divorce between letting go of the past and moving into the future. It is also normal to feel off balance as you live in that in between space. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Remember that these uncomfortable feelings are temporary. Don’t drag them out with any unnecessary court battles. At the end of the day, your life and happiness are what counts. So make each day count!
— Julie Orlov, MAOL, MSW, LCSW, Psychotherapist, Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author, Julie Orlov Consulting, http://www.JulieOrlov.com
If you’re considering or proceeding through a divorce, information is key. Please take some time to educate yourself using the free information here at AlwaysNewYou.com:
- The Divorce and Remarriage Section: Great advice to guide you through your divorce, recovery and on to your next relationship (IF you want one!).
- Jeanie Rule’s Divorce Advice for Moms: Our resident expert, Jeanie Rule, helps moms make great decisions about handling their divorce and raising wonderful children.