5 Action Steps to Take Before You Decide to Separate

Attractive Hispanic Couple During A Serious Moment at a Fountain.Marriage is hard work.  If you haven’t experienced times of ultimate frustration, consider yourself truly lucky and blessed.  If you’re like the rest of us, learn from our guest blogger how to make it up out of the valleys with an even stronger relationship.

Does Absence Make the Heart Go Wander or Make it Fonder?

“Hills and valleys, this is what marriage is about”, the words of my mother, soon to be a bride of 70 years. Haven’t all of us married folks experienced times of distress, low moments when we only wanted to be out, away from this person we once couldn’t live without? When we are feeling such unhappiness, the low of the marital valleys is when we often think and, even say, “I need some time out”. In my observations, and those of fellow counselors, separation typically becomes a divorce.

Before a couple decides to separate, I have a few good suggestions from my mom who has a wealth of experience climbing out of the valley.

1. Make an appointment with a counselor, your minister or a mediator.
2. Then make a romantic date: wine, dine and talk. Reflect on your first date.
3. Each of you make a list of the others positives (skip the negative list!).
4. Decide to have a permanent date every two weeks.
5. Take time out from the “norm” of your, change routines, and see if you can’t climb out of the valley-together.

Patricia Bubash, Counselor/author/speaker


About the Author: Patricia Bubash, M.Ed., Licensed Professional Counselor and Stephen Minister has worked in education for over 30 years. Her experience with families has provided her with the opportunity to work with families on such issues as divorce, remarriage, self-esteem, ADHD, and other parental topics.

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