12 Major Reasons Why A Daughter Needs A Mom
January 24, 2011|
A mother has a vital role in the psychological and emotional development of her daughter. I will discuss a dozen basic reasons why a daughter needs a responsive mom to help build the early, basic foundation on which her daughter will use in her attempt at self-actualization throughout the rest of her life. Because no one understands girls like a mom, an important and very special relationship exists between a mother and her daughter. Unfortunately, without a mom as a positive and flexible role model, too many daughters will end up having less in their life than they deserve.
- A daughter needs a mother to nurture her imagination, help her indulge in her individuality, and encourage (instead of punishing) her attempts at creativity and self-expression.
- A mom has an important role in providing security, to protect her little girl from strangers and danger, to carry her when she is tired, to catch her if she falls, to attend to her when she is ill, to play with and read to her on a regular basis, and to assure her that she will always have a place to come home to. A mom who never hesitates to show affection, who never grows tired of holding hands, and who is never more than a phone call away.
- A daughter learns from her mom how to interpret the language of boys and how to set limits with boys. A daughter needs a mother to share in her excitement when she falls in love for the first time, to help her distinguish the difference between love and lust, between infatuation, narcissistic and true love, to show her how to love someone with all her heart, and also to sooth the pain of a broken heart.
- A daughter needs her mom to love her for who she actually is and not for what the mother wants her to be, to listen closely to what troubles her, to tell her that it is okay to be whoever she is, e.g. a tomboy, to encourage her to be whatever she wants to be, to support her age-appropriate decisions (despite the pain of watching her daughter make predictable mistakes, which has the downside of negative short-term consequences, but the potential upside of the opportunity for positive lifelong lessons from making mistakes), and to tell her it is okay to see things differently.
- A daughter needs a mom to teach her that she should know herself better than anyone else does, and to teach her that beauty never fades if you look in the right places, i.e. usually somewhere inside.
- A mother has a vital role of teaching her daughter that she is responsible for her own happiness, instead of over-relying on someone else or on an intimate relationship(s), to remind her to save time and energy just for herself, to teach her not to be afraid to seize the moment, to remind her that grudges are too burdensome to carry for long on the path of life, to teach her the extraordinary power of forgiveness, and to teach her to laugh at herself without becoming defensive.
- A daughter needs a mom who can play at her level, who knows how to let loose and have fun, but also to point out the difference between being adventurous and being too wild, and to accept the fact that her dad may not be able to handle certain things.
- A daughter needs a mom to teach her how to be a lady, to teach her the art of conversation, to teach her how to cook and eat a nourished and balanced meal, to teach her that class never goes out of style, to teach her that her body is a temple that should be respected and houses the mind and soul, and to teach her that women are not bound to the home or to blind devotion to tradition.
- A daughter needs a mother to show her how to give back to others, to show, by example, that community involvement is a worthy pursuit, and that her responsibility and charity extend beyond her own family to the entire world.
- A daughter needs a mom to help her see that death is a part of life and that particular values and moral virtues, such as compassion, loving-kindness, and selflessness, transcend life's sadness and the routines of her daily life.
- A daughter needs a mom to prepare her for becoming a well-adjusted wife, to teach her what she should expect from a good and kind man, and to help her on her most precious wedding day.
- A mom is important in helping to teach her daughter how to love and care for her children and how to raise a happy family, to help her become the best mother she possibly can be, and to ultimately live a self-actualized and fulfilled life without major or too many regret.
Tobey Leung, M.D.