When you get married there is a plethora of advice. Advice on how to get through living together, that first year, your first fight, your first everything; but what I want to know is why everyone always makes it seem that once you get through the first of everything that it is all smooth sailing? They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest and if you get through the first few your chances of divorce are greatly reduced, but what about year 10? Or when you lose your job? Or your child is sick? Or your spouse just decides life is too hard? It just seems to me that there is a minor “truth in advertising” problem when it comes to relationship help.

Instead, what they should focus on is how you deal with living your life with the same person day in and day out. They should warn you about the relationship problems that creep into your lives together. When you are in that honeymoon stage you never think that you will have a communication issue, or that patience might become a problem, or that you might end up envying your significant other. We all know that dishonesty, too much pride, or a lack of respect can lead to bad things but no one really ever teaches us how to deal with how common relationship problems can affect your marriage.

I’ve found that the trick for me at least, is finding a good balance. I try to save a little part of each day for myself, while still being the best mother and wife I can be. I’ve learned to say no, I’ve learned to speak my mind and I’ve learned how to fight fair. None of which were easy. I’ve worked hard to find balance in my work and home life. I’ve worked hard to not be too hard on myself. Marriage is difficult; there is no way around it. It’s a continuous work in progress that never gets easier. However, when you deal with the inevitable relationship problems like an adult, without an end game or escape route in mind, the reward can be long term – in the form of a better relationship!