Girlfriends, We Love Them, We Support Them And Yeah Sometimes We Laugh At Them

zzzThis afternoon my girlfriend Gloria called all upset, fighting tears, and needing my help and support. Between hard swallows and deep breaths, she very dramatically explained that her 5 year granddaughter turned on the TV when she was out of the room. Apparently, when Gloria came into the room, the little kindergartener was so glued to the TV that she wouldn’t even take her eyes off the screen to look at her Nana who was headed for the seat next to the child on the sofa and asked what she was watching.

It wasn’t until Gloria sat down that she saw what her innocent little Granddaughter was watching. Of all things, her Amanda was engrossed in a video of the birth of a baby. Gloria was quick to explain that the evening before she was watching a show about Polar Bears on TLC, so when Amanda switched the TV on, TLC must have been mistakenly airing this explicit show right in the middle of the day! As she tells it,  the delivering mom was wearing only a wet t-shirt, and laying back in a blue plastic kiddie pool full of water, and “EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING was all out in the open for the whole world to see!”

While she carried on, I started to feel the tickle of a laugh trying to creep up my throat, but I struggled to control myself because I know Gloria. She is almost ten years older than I am and an only child raised by elderly parents who adopted her as an infant late in life. Basically, she grew up very protected and shielded from the real world.  I don’t think she even looked in the mirror as her own two children were born. I often wondered how she even got pregnant in the first place knowing her opinion of sex, though I do know you don’t have to like it to do it!  You see, I wanted to show respect for my friend and her understanding (or lack of understanding) of the birds and the bees, as she calls it. I’m not kidding, she sobbed that her
sweet little Amanda is “years and years from learning anything about the birds and the bees!”

So, I did my best to stifle my laughter, but when she shrieked at the top of her lungs into the phone, “and the poor little thing saw all this on the BIG 60 INCH TV”!!  I lost it. I started laughing, and themore I tried to stop laughing, the harder I laughed. I laughed till I cried, my nose ran, and I couldn’t breathe. I laughed until Gloria hung up on me.

I have no doubt in my mind that the one most traumatized this afternoon about seeing a real birthing on a big screen TV was my friend Gloria, not her little Amanda. But oh my god, to hear her tell it, poor Amanda will probably have nightmares for weeks, and may never have a child of her own because of the disturbing things she saw going on in that kiddie pool (not to mention that the newborn was a BOY baby, and we both know what boy babies have!)

I agree, it’s pretty sad that my friend thinks that childbirth is “explicit” and “disturbing”. I’m not saying I would want the whole world watching a skinny little newborn squeeze his big bowling ball of a head out of my vagina, but childbirth is still a beautiful and miraculous thing for me to witness and I feel sorry for Gloria that she was raised to think otherwise.

I promise I will call Gloria tomorrow, or maybe the day after, when I am done laughing every time I think of that hysterical phone call. And I will apologize for being so rude and insensitive.  And without as much as a snicker, I’ll ask her if Amanda is okay. That’s because that’s what friends do. (Maybe I should call her next week, or maybe the week after!)

annEnjoying Life After the Big M,

About Ann Sandretto: With over 10 years of research behind Ann created Ann’s mission is to inspire women to continuously reinvent and renew themselves by providing trusted information, expert advice and a community for supportive interaction. Together with her panel of expert contributors, she shares health and beauty tips with women navigating menopause.

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